I was walking today and maybe had a mini midlife crisis, albeit self-diagnosed. When I say mini, it’s because it lasted like two minutes, but something changed in my brain. And it’s still here…so maybe it’s not so mini.
I don’t know! We will have to stay tuned.
It started with me thinking how pissed I was at myself for sending a query letter to a literary agent with a missed word in my writing sample submission that spellcheck overlooked. This is super embarrassing, as my author bio states that I am a “professional copywriter.” Ugh. Secondly, I was bummed that the agent will most likely toss out my email in the trash. Squandered opportunity. Third, I wondered how many of the 15 emails I sent out had that same typo. Meh.
Anyway, so as I was chastising myself and swimming in the shame cycle, I started to think about the many people I know who died this year. I know; that’s super grim. But then I thought, “Wait, I WILL be one of those people someday. I better stop being miserable!” This led to, “OMG, I’m legit going to be 50″(in two years–shh….) and that is frightening, since I clearly remember third grade and relate to my daughter’s life as if it were my own (#issues).
Then it happened: the mini midlife crisis.
I said to myself, “Girl, you best start appreciating things. None of this means really anything actually, except did you do your best and have a good time?”
Life is so short. Ick. Then, I almost freaked out and had a panic attack. But, instead of spiraling, I took a breath and I started to notice the flowers. I know, this sounds so trite. But, I did! I took some photos of cool paintings on rocks I saw. I was all artistic, for like—- two minutes. I took this video
I sound like I’m on crack.
Well…wait, maybe…No, For reals.
I’m home now, and I still feel this wave of being grateful, which I usually poo-poo and hate when people post about all those blessings. So I had to share. Don’t hate me.
I am feeling #blessed.
Wait, now I sound depressed. But I am NOT! I am alive. Thank God!