Ever wonder why when you want there to be a red light, so you can send a text, or dig through your monstrous bag looking for something, it’s always green? I have a number of these questions, which I’d like answers to. Here are others:
Why does a “regular” coffee at Dunkin’ mean three creams and two sugars? Honestly, that’s irregular to me. #creambomb
When I have the most garbage ever, and it’s spilling out of the cans, why do I forget to put it out on the street or it’s always a holiday and the schedule is all messed up?
Why do I lose all of my nice sunglasses and hair ties, but I have that one scrunchie from 20 years ago and the Dollar Tree Store sunglasses from 2010?
Why do I never learn my lesson that my children can’t eat in my bed, and then when there is a slick of ice cream on my clean sheets, I’m not only grossed out but also surprised?
Why do I always wonder if the alarm will go off when I have my phone on silent?
Why every time when I go to the dry cleaner is it closed? Also, does dry cleaning actually clean things? Seems a little dicey to me.
I flew on an airplane recently and everyone seems to ask, “What was it like?!” Well, I’m here to tell you what it’s like. I should begin by saying I’m not exactly the world traveler; Vasco Da Gama has me beat. In fact, prior to last year, at my niece’s wedding in California, I had not been on a plane in seven years. I know this, of course, because when I wheeled my suitcase out from the attic, cobwebs intact, I unzipped it, and my son’s pacifier from when he was 2 fell out! And a baby spider was sucking on it! Wait, no, kidding. But, I think you can imagine then why I didn’t travel after that…It’s called spawn. I had another one shortly after this trip, and then hunkered down for seven years in toddler-dom. Who wants to fly with toddlers? I didn’t.
So, to start, I got to Boston in an hour and fifteen minutes, which would normally take about two hours and then some in traffic, because, well, no one is going to work. I pulled into Central Parking, and it was like a dark, apocalyptic field with a plethora of parking. Next, the real stuff came into play: the Covid Costume, equipped with two masks, ’cause one is just not enough, glasses (kind of like the goggles I wore in Chemistry class), a hat (cause no one wants the ‘vid on the locks), a coat with hood, and rubber gloves. No skin was showing. This is what I looked like.
Once you get into the airport, there are few people roaming about. Let’s just call them the Bold and Not-So-Beautiful. We “bold” ones decided to take the pandemic by storm and risk our lives for loved ones. You can tell which folks are taking this seriously and which are not. Some are dressed in the CC (Covid Costume), while others, who are mostly venturing to or from a Southern region, it appeared) are in shorts, with exposed, tan legs, flip flops, and a mask dangling from one ear. My favorite are the ones in the masks who don’t cover their noses. Like, why bother? You may as well just sneeze on me.
I breeze through security, with about four people six feet in front of me. There are little markers delineating where to stand, kind of like in the game of Twister.
This all was impressive. Next, I cruise towards the gate, with only two venues open: Hudson News and Dunkin’ Donuts (this is slowly changing, but don’t count on a quick beer or Fireball shot before you get on the plane–no restaurants/bars are open). Then, the real challenge sets in, having to venture into the bathroom. Now, this might be easy when not dressed as an Eskimo, but imagine having to zip back up your pants with rubber gloves on. Not only did the top of the glove on my index finger get stuck in the zipper and tear off, but my glasses were fogging up with the mask, I was sweating to high hell, and my bags were crammed against my knees in a tiny stall filled with pandemic possibility. I might suggest a diaper for the next run.
Anyway, so I get to the gate, and there are reserved seats that have ribbon-like banners across them, telling folks to social distance. It’s sort of like a Covid Miss America banner. With one torn glove, I get my sanitizing wipes out of my backpack and wipe down the entire chair and arm rests. People are staring, but also kind of jelly that I thought to do this. Finally, I sit, still sweating with fogged glasses, and I can relax, but it’s hard to text on my cell phone with gloves. So I risk it and take them off.
The rest is fairly simple. We board the plane, everyone in masks, walking down the tarmac, semi-spaced (there, too, are Twister dots), and we sit in our seats (post-wipe-down on my part) with masks required. The plane is about half-full, because no one is sitting next to you. They are, however, not six feet in front of you. I will say, most everyone complied with the masks. The only issue I saw, when swiveling my head around to make sure everyone obeyed the rules, was a few folks with the nose exposed and one or two with the mask dangling off the ear like an ear-cuff.
Am I wearing this right?
The stewardess corrected them, though. I was a bit dismayed that there were no drinks or peanuts served on flight, but we did get a Ziploc bag with a bottle of water and some kind of snack bar. So if you’re thinking of flying, it’s really not that bad. As a recovered germaphobe, I was fine! Thank you to #JetBlue! Enjoy your trip…
Memorial Day is upon us, and, so too, a surge in anxiety for many Cape Codders. Oh, wait, but we’ve already been anxious since February with COVID. So, just HOW anxious are we now? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being, like, in a straight jacket, where are you? I’d say I’m about a solid 5 today, which actually isn’t that bad, considering.
What does Memorial Day weekend mean here? Well, first off, there is a freaking long line at the Starbucks drive-through. Last week, I attempted to wait in it, the rear of my Subaru sticking out into the middle of the street, and then I thought I had better ways to spend the next 30 minutes. So I drove to a Dunkin Donuts. But guess what happened there? There was an even longer line! So, I drove to another one. And a long line there too! You following? Bottom line: I can’t get a cup o’ joe even if I try in the summer.
The beaches are opening up, and apparently only at half-capacity. Guess what else is at half-capacity? My tolerance! So I’m bringing a broom with me to the beach, and if you come close, ya’ done–swept away, literally.
Memorial Day also marks the beginning of SUMMER! But, wait, my kids have been on summer break (aside from my “homeschooling”) for months now…so, nothing new there. Given social distancing, I figured we might not be able to go to the pool, so I looked into buying an above ground pool, thinking it’d be more affordable than installing an in ground (even if a bit trashy looking). But, it’s still almost $20K! Yeah, kids? Put one foot in this pot of water, one in the other. That’s your pool. Stay cool.
When I was little, I almost drowned choking on a pretzel rod. I was in over my head, and it went down my air pipe, and I remember looking out at my family as I sunk. (Wait, that’s a whole different story, but I wanted to share because it seemed opportune. Also, don’t eat pretzel rods in the water. Just saying.)
Memorial Day also means I can wear white. That’s good, because I have not yet worn my white sweatpants, just the black and grey ones. This will be fancy.
I also won’t have to wear socks anymore, now that it’s flip flop season, so I can just toss this bag of unmatched socks that’s been waiting for me!