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I Want Some Answers!

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Today, I want answers. I want answers to the following questions regarding things that happened to me:

1. When my ADT home alarm system is faulted, and I can’t fix it myself over the phone with them, why must I pay for the labor costs for a technician to come out to repair it? I mean, it’s by no fault of mine that it doesn’t work, so why do I have to assume the costs to fix it? Makes no sense.

2. Why are there very few remote job opportunities now when people are actually mostly only working remotely? I have been perusing Indeed, Glass Door, Linked In, etc., and the remote work opportunities are few and far between. Oh, and I’m like candidate 154, if there is one.

3. How many times can I explain that I don’t get unemployment, because I quit, and I don’t qualify for pandemic assistance? Just curious. I get tired of explaining, as if I didn’t look into those options myself.

4. Ew, why am I so belligerent right now? Ha!

5. The song my son keeps singing, which he has titled “Poop Under the Covers,” and really only has those four words repeatedly…does it mean something? Is there some hidden meaning, or just hidden poop under his covers?

6. Can we really not wear white in a week? I mean, who even made that up? I didn’t wear enough white this summer, and if we are just home and not going into work or school, who cares if we sneak in some white sweatpants?

7. Are Dunkin’ Coolatas made with real strawberries and fruit? If so, are the blue raspberry Coolatas then made from actual fluorescent blue raspberries? If these exist on some farm, I must see and pick for myself.

8. Is mail-in voting going to work? I sent in a ballot via mail. Did you?

9. When my daughter tells me she is exhausted because she had TWO play dates (insert screams)…do I feel bad? Um….

10. Why is only Season 3 of Siesta Key free, and the episodes before it are $17.99 if you want to catch up??

11.  My children don’t actually go back to the school till October in Massachusetts. Is this actually going to happen? And I can’t believe it’s September, and I have a whole other month of summer left home with them! How am I supposed to even get a job? Oh, and when they go back, it’s scattered half days: half-remote, half in-person. So, essentially, I have two young children, varying times of learning and drop offs and pick ups, but I’m supposed to also work. Go figure.

12. When I ask my son to help clear the dinner table, and he tells me, “It’s not 1982!” What does that even mean? Oh, PS-he was born in 2010. And, I mean, I guess, yes, in 1982, I was indeed helping my parents clear the table!

 

 

Committing to a Good Day

Do you ever wonder when your to-do list will end? Will you ever get it all done? I have come to the conclusion that I will not. The dishwasher will always be full. Is that a metaphor for my glass is half-full and not half-empty? I sure hope so.

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My glass is half-full! This isn’t me, but I mean, maybe in my head.

There are so many things I need to get done in this house: paint the back, repair the basement sliding doors, get new floors, re-carpet the entire pee-stained rug in my daughter’s room. Okay, let’s be honest. I need to just get a match, light it, and start over here.

BUT! That is not the point! The point is I will NEVER get all of this done. My house will always need something! There will always be more I could do! Oh, and did I mention I have to go to Coinstar? With the amount of change we have collected, I will be able to  quell the nation’s coin shortage crisis while simultaneously buying $300 worth of groceries! Win-win! (Oh, right. I also need to go to the market).

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One of our coin jars.

Okay, so the point I’m trying to make is this– let’s go easy on ourselves. Let’s let ourselves off the hook, especially right now. These are not great times, and we need to be gentle to ourselves and our to-do lists. In fact, maybe we should burn those and just put one thing on the to-do list: Have a good day.

Right? Let’s just have a good day. Simple as that! Commit to the day that you will not berate yourself for ANYTHING. Commit to not committing. Wait, now I sound like a 28-year-old man who doesn’t want to get engaged.

Let’s be kind to ourselves today! I hope it’s a good one.

have a great day text beside white ceramic mug with coffee

 

Be a Good Friend–To Yourself

Today, I almost sat on a wolf spider that camouflaged into my couch. It was grey, and my couch is grey. I put him in a glass, covered with a piece of paper, and took him outside. He hopped away.

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Wolf Spider.

Then, I went to get water, and there was a spider that was next to my water bubbler. He was eating some sort of moth he caught, probably from when I had the screen door open last night. I thought to move him, and then I thought, “No, maybe I will keep him, or her, as he’s enjoying his time here, and he’s keeping the insects at bay.”

You may be wondering why I don’t just get an exterminator!

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Here is the one next to my bubbler

But, I have realized, that I kind of love spiders. I used to be grossed out about them. I was freaked out and would vacuum them up, or squish them. Now, I realize most of them won’t do any harm, and they’re sort of sad and victims, because they can’t see well.

I sort of feel like a spider today, and that I can’t see well.

I can’t see myself. 

Sometimes, I can’t see my own self-worth. I talk down to myself, am punitive, and I wish I was different. I look at other women and think, “Wow, I should be more like her. I would look so much better if I just had that Dolce and Gabbana belt or the blown out hair with spiral curls.” Or I think, “If I was just ten pounds skinnier, and I had some Botox.” Or, “I wish I made more money” or “I wish I had a boat.”

These are things I can’t fix. Well, at least not today. What I can fix is my relationship with myself.  

Then I think about all the amazing  gifts I have, and the people in my life, and how I can’t believe I talk to myself this way!  I think how we must be kind to ourselves, as we are our own best friends.

Our internal voice is the one we hear the most. I read this blog post today by Dr. Eric Perry, and it resonated- not only with me, but with many others.

Be gentle with yourself, at least for today. xx

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I Got Into Columbia, But I Can’t Get Into Roblox

I graduated from Columbia, but I can’t get into Roblox, because I’ve failed the verification test too many times. In case you are not sure what that entails, it is simply clicking arrows to put a a goat or a buffalo cartoon image right-side-up. You have to do this eight times, and you have 7 seconds to do so for each image. I failed for the last hour. I can’t set my daughter up with an account. Question: Why is Roblox Fort Knox? Bigger Question: What is wrong with me (don’t answer that) that I can’t determine how to set a goat or buffalo upright? 

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I got this message about 20 times

Perhaps this is because I am not upright.

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I may be upside down, but look at my patent leather shoes!

In other words, I’m kinda struggling here– with the pandemic, the decision to send the kids back to school, and looking for a job. The job sitch is almost as grim as the fact that I can’t prove I’m not a robot on Roblox. Yesterday, I applied for three jobs. Two were promising. The other? It was an Amazon remote job, in which I’d be available to talk to people about their FMLA and Disability. I mean, does this really suit me? Probs not! My career pivot looks less like a pivot and more like a circle–or just a cliff dive.

No, honestly, I’m excited about some of the opportunities. But it’s hard to find something remote. And, if I do, when I search on Linked In, it will say there are 122 applicants ahead of me. I mean, I know I’m a solid pick, but 122? That’s kinda rotten chances. I‘d be better off just going to buy a scratch ticket and heading to the beach with an Italian sub.

Speaking of Italian subs, I am not going to eat those anymore, or at least for today, because I decided I’m going to get really skinny. Like, I want to be a coat hanger. I know a lot of people don’t think of that as an attractive image, but I think all clothes look good on hangers, and some of the ones in my closet are really pissed at me that they’ve been benched.

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My ideal body #goals

With that, I’m going to go for a long walk, since apparently I won’t be able to play Roblox!

 

 

 

 

Five Online Dating Tips: Ghosting, MILFs, Catfishing and What You Need to Know

My friends and I were discussing the dating scene now, which is basically all on apps, and here are some things I have determined to be new dating truths, and some tips for y’all if you venture out there:

  1. Be prepared and KNOW that men and women are dating or “talking to” multiple people at once. I remember that I dated this guy, who extolled his love for me after our dinner date (thanks, Kevin #not), and then I saw that he was “ONLINE!” all day the next day, indicating he was talking to other women. When I called him out on it, asking why he was online all day if he just liked me, he said he wasn’t sure I was into him, so he was keeping his options open. Hm. Kev? Ya’ done.
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“I’m serious about you. We should move in together. Just wait till these chicks leave.”

2. It’s totally okay to just ghost mid-conversation, even if you have been messaging for like two weeks. It’s sort of like, someone better comes along, and it’s over. And you really don’t have to apologize for it, or feel bad that you just left this person hanging. You know why? There is no such thing as etiquette in online dating. Ghosting=Standard. No guilt needed.

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3. If someone refuses to Facetime before meeting, then they are most likely catfishing you. What is catfishing? It’s posting pics that look nothing like you, or are from like 20 years ago. When someone says, “Oh, no, I can’t do that; that’s too awkward to Facetime,” it’s a red flag. Know what’s more awks? When you show up and a gorilla juice head (read: Jersey Shore, thanks for the term Snooki) is at the bar missing teeth and wearing a Porky Pig t-shirt (yes, this happened to me).

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“So nice to meet you in person!”

4. Sometimes, men who are super young will message older women, which always comes with a, “Hm…why did he like my photo? Is he hammered? Or was it an error?” The thing is there is something called MILF Hunters. These are young men who actually WANT to date older women. They will message things like, “Am I too young for you?” (probably from their high school locker rooms), and you will be flattered and say, “Oh, I don’t know! Maybe? Haha.” Steer clear. These MILF Hunters just want a conquest and have a fetish. They troll Whole Foods and Barnes and Nobles looking for moms in yoga pants who may throw out the vibe. I mean, hey, if that’s your thing, consider it a tip! Otherwise, block the boy.

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“No, it’s fine that you were in college when I was conceived. I still like you.”

5. Choose the right dating app for you and what you’re looking for. Bumble is best for women who don’t want to get blown up with disGUSting sexual innuendos from heinous men, because only men they “like” can message them. Match may be the way to go if you’re looking for a relationship, because you have to pay for this service, which means you’re serious about it. E-harmony is for people who have a lot of time to write a profile, because it takes 1,000 hours to answer all their questions, and no one even cares to read your profile if they don’t like your looks first. (Note: Most people swipe quickly and go for looks “first” on the apps). Tinder seems to be for younger people (like 20s) and may have a better hook-up rate. Hinge is for people in urban areas, and Zoosk is just weird. (Disclaimer: these are just MY opinions. You do you).

So, there you go! Now go have some fun online dating and use these tips to keep it going! Oh, and please come back here and tell me your stories. Or, add to these tips if you have them in the comments!