Thoughts, Uncategorized

My Mini Midlife Crisis-On the way to #blessed

I was walking today and maybe had a mini midlife crisis, albeit self-diagnosed. When I say mini, it’s because it lasted like two minutes, but something changed in my brain. And it’s still here…so maybe it’s not so mini.

I don’t know! We will have to stay tuned.

It started with me thinking how pissed I was at myself for sending a query letter to a literary agent with a missed word in my writing sample submission that spellcheck overlooked. This is super embarrassing, as my author bio states that I am a “professional copywriter.” Ugh. Secondly, I was bummed that the agent will most likely toss out my email in the trash. Squandered opportunity. Third, I wondered how many of the 15 emails I sent out had that same typo. Meh.

Anyway, so as I was chastising myself and swimming in the shame cycle, I started to think about the many people I know who died this year. I know; that’s super grim. But then I thought, “Wait, I WILL be one of those people someday. I better stop being miserable!” This led to, “OMG, I’m legit going to be 50″(in two years–shh….) and that is frightening, since I clearly remember third grade and relate to my daughter’s life as if it were my own (#issues).

This is the image that came up when I googled “midlife.” 🥴

Then it happened: the mini midlife crisis.

I said to myself, “Girl, you best start appreciating things. None of this means really anything actually, except did you do your best and have a good time?”

Life is so short. Ick. Then, I almost freaked out and had a panic attack. But, instead of spiraling, I took a breath and I started to notice the flowers. I know, this sounds so trite. But, I did! I took some photos of cool paintings on rocks I saw. I was all artistic, for like—- two minutes. I took this video

I sound like I’m on crack.

I’m not.

Well…wait, maybe…No, For reals.

I’m home now, and I still feel this wave of being grateful, which I usually poo-poo and hate when people post about all those blessings. So I had to share. Don’t hate me.

I am feeling #blessed.

And old.

And transient.

Wait, now I sound depressed. But I am NOT! I am alive. Thank God!

And, Midlife.

9 thoughts on “My Mini Midlife Crisis-On the way to #blessed”

  1. oh you are so not alone! Today I had to snap free and go look at my yard and flowers and remember each day is a blessing even if they have bumps and wtf’s. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Omg, this is why I NEVER double-check things that have been sent off, be it a manuscript or an email to a publisher, since I can’t do anything about it, and I’d lose a month’s worth of sleep if I ever discover a typo. Ignorance is bliss.

    Liked by 1 person

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