#relationships, Self-Help, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Too Many Friends = Too Much Drama

Have you ever noticed that the smaller your world becomes, the easier it is to manage emotionally? I feel that way these days, as I go to work and home, home and work, with very little in between. I see my children, my boyfriend, maybe a couple of friends here or there, and that’s it. I keep it tight. I have, as my sister used to say, “Circled the wagons.”

She told me that circling the wagons was the the best methodology to avoid drama. The more people you interact with, and have in your direct sphere, the more chances there are for drama. While I thought that seemed sort of grim and isolating at the time, I now realize she had a point. It’s a self-preservation thing.

I think back, for example, to when I was the most social I’ve ever been as a parent (we can’t go all the way back…even though, obvi, I wish I could and stay there #ihearthighschool). So it was when I had my first child, and he was 2. I was so busy out and about with girlfriends, meeting at the playground with moms, going to “Mommy and Me” at the library, and chatting for hours on the phone. I remember I even had to get a new data plan on my cell phone, because I was on it too much. Now, I sort of hate talking on the phone, unless it’s Facetime over wine. 🙂

Anyway, at that time, there were all these fights and paranoia and, “Don’t say anything but…,” or, “No offense, but…,” and “Oh, you weren’t invited?” etc.

It drove me INSANE.

Like, I was 40-years-old and legit cried to my partner about a girl fight! I was 40–and in eighth grade! I was so crazed, in fact, about this one fight, that I literally lost my geographical bearings and drove straight over the Bourne Bridge off of Cape Cod, where I live, headed towards Boston. I was, in short, deranged.

Um…now, circling back to my point of circling the wagons (double circle here), I never feel that anxiety anymore with my friends. I never feel that, “Oh my God, is she mad at me,” or that “Wait, what did I not get invited to” feeling. Ya’ know why? ‘Cause I do nothing! Yeah, that’s right. Naturally, the pandemic has something to do with it. But, even before that, I have found that keeping my social interactions to a minimum has made me feel more at peace. This seems counterintuitive, as I am super social and gregarious and I’m not good at being alone. But, keeping it tight and small, that’s the way to go…for me.

That’s the one issue I have with social media. It’s like the tight circle is inevitably larger, because you are seeing what everyone else is doing, which you are not a part of. Suddenly, your small circle is now 800-people wide (well, except the algorithms make is so I see the same 10 people). Sometimes, I’ll see two people I know socializing, and I’ll feel this sense of FOMO, like I’m missing out.

But, then, I get over it.

And I feel okay and am grateful for the peace.

It’s kind of too bad it is that way, but, I mean, for me it was. How about you?

8 thoughts on “Too Many Friends = Too Much Drama”

  1. That’s hilarious (but not really)… I don’t remember being part of these groups although I saw them at the playgrounds. I found them very cliquish… in the school yard too. I just hung by myself or with one or two moms or dads, never the same ones. (I’m weird.)

    Now?

    Meh. I’m basically online and, pre-covid, it was the other parents at the rink. I don’t have much of a social life at all.

    I wonder if we develop new relationships with other adults after the kids move out? I mean, if this covid ever moves on so at least the kids can get a life?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, it’s interesting you say that, because you are are so social and friendly online! I wonder why that is different for you in real life… You don’t seem weir, btw. But, I think all writers have to be a little weird, or we’d have nothing to write about. I also realize I like people who are a little bit crazy. Normal people seem, well…vanilla. Snore. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes well socializing online is on my terms. In life, I’m a bit of an introvert. I also have a bit of a hearing loss which affects me in crowded places (I’m fine if it’s a small group and there aren’t 1700 screaming children or a hockey game going on next to me).

        So yeah…I stick to a friend or two IRL and go a little nuts online. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I completely agree. My 20 were drama full! Thankfully I pulled back and only now have 3 friends and my sanity has more or less returned.

    Liked by 2 people

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