Feeling Good(?) As Hell

“They want you to do a freaking Power Point?!,” I screech, peering over my laptop across the table at my third grader, like a ferrel cat in sweatpants and pizza slippers. This is something I didn’t ever think I’d have to say, particularly as his “teacher.” Yes, I am homeschooling right now, and the assignments are, in short, making me nuts. And from what I hear from other parents, we are all struggling to hold it together.

Some days, I’m on the fritz. Like, if you ask me, “How are you doing?” I’ll get a lump in my throat and detail how the toilet is clogged with wipes (yes, even the “flushable” ones don’t flush), the dogs are relentlessly staring at me to take them out, my daughter sends me oodles of instant messages to come upstairs and play with her, and I’m just trying to get my full-time work done. Yes, working from home has me often saying, “Okay, just hold on a minute,” and “I’ll be right there.” Or, “Can you just watch a show or like call someone or something? Anything? Face time? How about you go outside and play in the yard?” The guilt then washes over me, and I take a break to make yet another meal with the sparing amounts of food left.

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There’s almost nothing worse than when the seltzer water is almost gone. I drink this in copious amounts, and it’s pretty much not a question that I have to run to the store in a face mask getting COVID if it’s gone. We do load up, but when the kids leave half-drank cans around the house (aka, “gerbils”), it’s WAR.

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“I am a wasted soda water can.”

Me: Who left this gerbil around?

Them: I don’t know.

Me: Well we are in a pandemic. You can’t just have a few sips. You need to drink the whole thing.

Them: Mom, calm down; it’s just soda water.

Me: No, it’s not just soda water; it’s a trip to the store, and then to the ICU. Do you want to die because we don’t have enough soda water? (horns then grow from head and smoke comes out of ears)

Okay, it’s not that bad. But, you get the point?

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Oh, hi, I found this roll of paper. And these santa slippers in the Christmas Box. Okay to eat?

Other days, I actually feel fine and enjoy working from home and being around my children all day. It’s nice to spend quality time together, like when we made a fire last night and ate outside with their dolls and stuffed animals at the picnic table. As always, we said grace to our little Jesus figurine and wished that this f-ing pandemic would go away (oh, wait, without the F-bomb), and then we go around the table and say our roses and thorns of the day.  My son typically reports that he has about 10 thorns and maybe 1 rose, while my daughter will say she doesn’t have any thorns. Yesterday, they both had the quarantine as a thorn, and they both had our picnic dinner outside as a rose. We then blasted Lizzo on the Pandora and did a dance to Feeling Good as Hell together. It was an awesome moment (Don’t know if the Jesus figurine appreciate the hell reference).

Some days are sucking it; others are not. We are in mercurial times.

I know I won’t ever forget them.

How about you? Tell me about your experiences in the comments!

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